Sunday, April 18, 2010

[Argumentative Essay] [Draft 1]

Junk food has always been the favorite food for youngsters especially schoolchildren as there are a variety of supplies from the school canteens. Junk food can be defined as foods with insufficient nutrients and it is not good for our health (Tran 2005). Junk foods also contain synthetic additives to level up their attractiveness and to expand its expiry date (Smith 2005). Some examples of junk food are chips, biscuits, cookies, hamburgers, soft drinks, instant noodles and confectionery (Health Foundation 2005). The issue of banning school canteens from selling junk food has raised a heated debate among the society. The frights of health issues, behavioural problems and litter problems which are caused by the consumption of junk food have my word on believing that the sale of junk food should be banned.

Fingers are pointing at junk food for causing childhood obesity due to the distinctively low nutritional value and contains inedible synthetic additives (Smith 2005). Over the past 30 years, the healthy food eaten by Australian youngsters has been plummeted which can be due to the increasing supplies of junk food (Tran 2005). According to Tran (2005), more than 50 per cent of schoolchildren nowadays purchase their lunch from school canteens which mostly comprise of junk food. This gives us an idea of the most common scenario is a child who is munching on junk food and quenching a can of soft drinks during recess. Tran (2005) also provided evidence from Professor Steven Reynolds who indicates that school canteens providing unhealthy foods are promoting youth obesity. This is further worsening when most youngsters do not exercise regularly.

Other than that, poor eating habits of children can induce unhealthy growth and reduce their learning potential as junk foods often consist of chemical enhancers which can induce behavioural problems (The Food Show 2005). According to Smith (2005), behavioural problems in children like hyperactivity and poor concentration are results shown from the additives. Since junk food is convenient and is easily available from schools, children are unaware of the havoc they are creating for themselves (Tran 2005). Consequently, the removal of junk foods from school canteen shows noticeable improvement in student’s behaviour (Green 2005).

From a wider perspective, sale of junk food in schools can also creates litter problems as most junk foods come in pre-packaged meals and canned drinks (Smith 2005). This problem is faced by the schools as plastic packages and cans can be seen lying around the school compound (Green 2005). As a result from littering, schools may be facing health risk, spend more than usual to clean the compounds and may even give a bad impression (Smith 2005). When junk foods are removed, the litter around the school has diminished. The cleaning cost saved can be spent on other beneficial maintenance projects (Green 2005).

In conclusion, I stand for the banning of junk foods sales in school canteens as junk foods may pose threats to schoolchildren due to obesity which has a direct impact on their future risks for heart disease, osteoarthritis and cancers, and also behavioural problems. Schools may also encounter opportunity cost due to litter problems. Children must know that what they eat affects their future growth, thus a school cannot neglect their responsibility and drop the buck at food, instead schools need to take up its’ role to assail the problems. The school canteen should be utilized to educate healthy eating habits (Tran 2005).

2 comments:

  1. Your introduction is pretty well done. However the point "junk foods also contain synthetic additives to level up their attractiveness and to expand its expiry date (Smith 2005) " that you have included in the introduction may be better placed in the body paragraph, at the part where "obesity is caused by the distinctively low value and contains inedible synthetic additives". The thesis statement is okay, but readers will get better understanding if you change your sentence structure to an active form. You may want to include some statistics in your introduction.

    Overall, your topic sentences are clear and well connected to the following points. One of the sentence in you second paragraph, "Over the past 30 years, the healthy food eaten by Australian youngsters has been plummeted which can be due to the increasing supplies of junk food (Tran 2005)." I think "has been plummeted" sounds quite odd. I would suggest "has been plummeting" or "has plummeted". Besides that, try to elaborate more on this point "consequently, the removal of junk foods from school canteen shows noticeable improvement in student's behaviour (Green 2005). Give example on how their behaviours improve, such as being more calm in class.

    In your conclusion, you have stated your side of the argument as well as your reasons behind your stand. Well done. However. try to summarize the conclusion so that it is not too long because it kinda have the same length with your body paragraphs.

    Keep up the good work! :)

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  2. for the point "junk foods also contain synthetic additives to level up their attractiveness and to expand its expiry date (Smith 2005) " , i put in as my intro because it is partly the definition of junk food so it comes after the definition part, so i'll stick it to the intro still. but thanks for telling me your opinion.

    as for the grammar error, ahh i've made a mistake there. thanks for pointing out.

    i chose to list the junk foods instead of statistics in my introduction because many people would be doing the same thing as Ms Dill said to include statistics in the intro part and i bet Ms Dill would be boring flipping through papers with the same intro. as for me, i'd chose to include the info provided by the health foundation.

    the point "consequently, the removal of junk foods from school canteen shows noticeable improvement in student's behaviour (Green 2005). u asked me to give examples on how their behaviour improves. well, i'd say it's not necessary to include examples in text production as it will make your essay lengthy and exceed the word limit. so by saying "the removal of junk foods from school canteen shows noticeable improvement in student's behaviour" would let the readers picture the situation since i did list out how their behavioural worsen at the first place.

    for my thesis, since i've listed clearly 3 main points there so i think it's clear enough for readers to understand the simple statement.

    thanks for the comment. =)

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